Down but not out

Below is a young lady's feelings towards the loss of her grandmother. I have never lost anyone close to me but I find that Tshepiso's experience can be applicable to any person who may find themselves laying in the rubble of their sorrows. Her growth during this time of mourning is evident and I admire how she chose to express her feelings and share her experience, for this reason I have posted what she shared with her Twitter followers a few weeks ago. Learn from it as you please.

"So death and loss can shake your sense of self especially if the person you just lost played an instrumental role in molding who you are. With that said, it is understandable the kind of confusion one deals with when you lose someone of such a spirit who played an important role in your life. Truth is, the person you lose leaves behind an enormous vacuum, and well in my case, the vacuum can be so big that it can leave one feeling empty, and in this time it's crucial that the people around you remind you that there are still people left behind who love you unconditionally.

Well I read about the Hindu Goddess of Never Not Be Broken at a defining moment in my life...

and the decision I took was to lie in the rubble of what I used to think was me for a while, morn like crazy, be true and kind to myself and well lastly be unapologetic for my tears...which I must say was really instrumental in learning about congruency (i.e. not hiding your emotions behind a mask) and well I am still not at a point where I can say that I have really dealt with my loss completely. But even though I am not there yet, I have learnt that I am stronger when I am on the floor and completely broken as it affords me to reflect, evaluate, recollect and redesign; and perhaps I found a silver line in the truth that my strength is a true reflection of my trials... and what a bitter-sweet truth that is.

In this moment, on my bedroom floor, here and broken I am stronger than what I have ever imagined http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/06/why-being-broken-in-a-pile-on-your-bedroom-floor-is-a-good-idea-julie-jc-peters/ . So yes, Maserame is gone and it hurts like F@#! most of the time... And I miss her and sometimes I burst into tears while walking alone, but the journey that I am on right now is so amazing that I can't help but think that everything that she has done, even in her death, has molded and is helping to mold me into a better Me! For that I am blessed and truly grateful for having known her and having been touched by her. So someday I shall rise again and when I do, I think I will miss this floor - this floor I lie broken on now." - Tshepiso Serame, 17